My beloved older sister, Gladys, once shared this poem with me and decades later, I still hold it close, like a compass in my heart:
"To laugh often and much.
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children.
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends.
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others.
To leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition.
To know even one life has breathed easier because you lived.
This is to have succeeded."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I remember when my Abuela discovered she had a long, painful battle with cancer ahead of her. During my visit, she said to me "I just hope that I don't lose my sense of humor."
Even though my Abuelo and Abuela's home was famously filled with loud, contagious laughter (as you can see from the picture of them laughing together) I had never categorized humor as "essential" until she said that to me.
Since then, I have witnessed the power of humor over and over. Some top examples in my mind are in Puerto Rico, after Hurricane Maria, when the wonderful and resilient families I was working with found comfort in laughter, music and togetherness despite the tragedy.
Another example that comes to mind is with the many families who have asked me to sing at the bedsides of their dying loved ones. It never fails that laughter, music, stories and hugs inevitably fill the room with so much love as my heart overflows at the gift of being able to be a part of it.
And recently, I was teaching a music therapy class to the female inmates at the Grand Traverse County jail and I kept finding us all in fits of laughter as our singing turned us into a community of friends, connecting and telling stories together.
That is why I love the opening line of Emerson's poem so much, where laughter is listed as his first criteria for success.
Laughter is humanity, strength and even rebellion in the face of adversity.
Next time you laugh, despite whatever is going on in your life or in the world around you, stop and notice:
YOU are succeeding.
Other signs that you are succeeding?
Next time you see a human or animal in need and your kind heart compels you to offer even the smallest act of kindness to them...
Next time a child (or really anyone) wants to give you a hug, a high-five or a friendly smile...
Next time the beauty of the world grabs your attention and moves you to pause and appreciate it...
Next time you are given constructive feedback and you listen, grow and learn from it...
Stop and notice: YOU ARE SUCCEEDING.
Through all that you have survived so far, your good heart is still beating. Your hopeful spirit has not been crushed. You have gifts to offer a world in need. You're still here. You're doing it!!
And even so, take a second and notice how easy it is believe the lie that we are never enough.
If you have children in your life, as I do, consider this:
Every day, our children are being bombarded by images. Despite our best efforts, our kids are being exposed to what this money-obsessed society says that success looks like, and that is: More, more, more, more....more things, more toys, bigger houses, newer cars, more power, more people doing our tasks for us.
Our kids are always watching us to see if we are subscribers to that definition of success.
I offer that it feels really good to internalize the poem from Ralph Waldo Emerson instead.
To me, it seems like true success is not defined by what it LOOKS like, since looks can be deceiving. It is more accurately defined by what it FEELS like.
True success feels like:
LOVE.
Laughter.
Hugs.
Appreciation.
At least one real, trustworthy friend who truly knows and loves you.
More laughter.
Spontaneous acts of service and kindness to others.
Less things, less bills...more time, more ease.
Practicing being kind to ourselves.
Community.
Inner strength.
Presence.
Living with integrity.
Creating peace and fairness however you can.
Authenticity.
Knowing you have something positive to offer....and offering it.
Much more laughter.
Much more love.
...and let's not forget that last criteria from Emerson's poem:
"To know even one life has breathed easier because you lived."
By this measure, would you look at your life and say that you are succeeding?? I bet you are, you wonderful human, you.
I am proud of you.
Your family and friends are proud of you too, I am sure of it.
I hope YOU are proud of yourself!
I wish you and your families all the (true) SUCCESS in the world!
And no matter what the future holds, let's not let anything steal our laughter.
With hope and love,
Miriam
Beautifully written sister!
I want to give credit to the person who introduced me to that poem- Mrs. Carol Erickson, my high school anatomy teacher. She had it on a poster near her desk and it really spoke to me so I wrote it down and have carried it either me ever since. Just as that message stuck with me because of her, I’m sure someone out there will read your blog and it will set the course of journey for decades or more to come.